2010 is already proving to be so challenging

Ever since Jude got diagnosed with lymphoma on Jan 5th, I swear our entire family has been upside down. Addie immediately got shuttled over here and I so wanted to be the home of stability for her. I have plugged through for 2 1/2 mos and at first it was challenging but my kids seemed to be doing okay with having a 3 1/2 year old in their space and in their mommy's lap all the time.

Then, Lydia started to crumble. She got so mean. So ugly. Saying not very nice things to Addie. Calling her a baby. Crying all the time. Addie was spending almost every Tuesday night with us and at first it was fun for Lydia. But, then it got old and Wednesday mornings were particularly hard. About the 3rd Wed in a row that I sent her to school in tears I knew something had to change.

So, I ended up having to make other arrangements for Addie on Tuesdays. She was going to stay with my mom overnight but my brother-in-law decided (well, Sarah decided for him) that he needed to quit his Tuesday night shows for a while. So, he will be home with Addie which, really, is best. She needs to sleep in her own bed everynight.

Then, about the time I was realizing that overnight wasn't going to work for Lydia, Jake, my little rock through all of this, started having some trouble. First some tears at his social skills group for what seemed like "no reason" to the therapists. Just out of the blue crying spells. So NOT like my boy. Then, an outburst the next week at social skills group. Then, difficulty with his behavior at home. Then, an outburst in Sunday school. We haven't had to deal with outbursts for many months. He was crumbling. He needed more attention from me. More stability. Less upheaval. He needed more therapy time with me. More school time with me. Just more attention from me.

So, I had to be the rotten sister who had to tell Sarah that I couldn't keep Addie anymore on a regular basis. My other sister and Sarah's MIL will be sharing that for the next 2 1/2 mos until my mom gets out of school for the summer and can keep her. I HATE that I have to shift Addie around. And, I would never have bailed if I was the only one who could keep her. But, there are other family members who take just as good of care of her as I do. And, I can't let my kids fall apart. They are already scared for Jude. They worry about him. They don't understand cancer very well.

Sarah really is understanding. She's been worried about my kids through this whole thing b/c she knew that this would be a hard adjustment for them.

On another note, Jude has been home this week and we spent a lot of time with him over the weekend and on Monday....until Lydia and I came down sick. Grrrrr. We are hoping and praying that Jude doesn't catch it since he was exposed to us on Monday.

He is doing so well. All tumors are gone!! He has to do the remaining 6 rounds of chemo to make sure every cell is gone. It will continue to be a hard road but it is proving to be worth it! Little Jude is always on our hearts and minds and in our prayers. We all just love him so much and can't wait for this nightmare to be over for him.