Spring has Sprung!

Time to update my blog again. There is so much I want to type about and yet I am grasping at a way to organize it into a coherent, readable entry. Maybe today I will just spew.....

I was reading on a message board the other day....actually a few weeks or a month back....and found out that there is a name for how I have been raising Jake. And Lydia too to some degree but I haven't really had to do it with Lydia to the degree I've had to do it with Jake. Tomato Staking. I saw that I was like, "Huh? What does raising children have to do with tomatoes?" LOL! So, I read the link that accompanied the entry on the message board and for the most part that is what I have done with Jake and is EXACTLY why we home school. So, here's a link:

http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com/ch07.asp

It explains it quite well.

School was too hard. He had too much freedom to engage in behaviors I didn't want him practicing. And, not enough freedom to engage in appropriate behaviors. Sounds confusing? It is. It was complicated. But now, I can let him get farther from me if he can handle it and reign him in tighter if he can't. And, as we begin to wind down our first year of homeschooling the two most positive changes I have seen in him are that I can let him get farther and farther from me all the time and his very appropriate focus and attention to his school work. I can let him play at the neighbor's house for a while with only minimal concern. I can be in the kitchen cooking while he is outside in the culdesac playing as long as I keep my ears open and go out there and check on things every so often. At the beginning of the year NO WAY. My thought when I started this after the school year ended last year (and remember, I didn't know it was a "method") was that for Jake, certain behaviors were going to be learned by habit. And, so I was not going to let him get away with inappropriate behaviors. His only option would be appropriate ones. As far as his focus and attention, I had to sit right next to him and prompt him to keep on task for every.single.problem at the beginning of the year. But, that was my focus. I never let up. I never ever let him wander off and get distracted. And, gradually his focus got better and better. Now I can get on the treadmill for 40 mins while he does his math, language arts and phonics sheets at the table next to me. He will sit and do 2-3 math sheets, his LA sheet and a phonics sheet all while I am exercising in a 40 min time frame. I NEVER thought I'd see that day.

But, hovering wasn't all we did. I also made visuals and showed him the benefits of working quickly and with focus that really helped it click for him. Our ABA programs have helped immensely with behavior and attention as well as his pragmatic language skills. So, I can't attribute our growth this year to one individual thing but I think it has been the entire bundle. Homeschooling is just perfect for this child. And, it was just funny to me to discover that the way I have had to parent him has a name.

So, yes, I am a helicopter mother. Do I think that hovering is best for all children? No, not necessarily. I don't hover with Lydia like I do with Jake. But, I do not allow Lydia so far away from me that I don't know exactly what she is involved in. We don't have playdates at 4 years old where the little girls go up and shut the door to her room. That happened once and the other child tried to talk Lydia into misbehaving. Lydia told her that I would not like that b/c that is against the rules. The child tried to talk her into it anyway but I happened to be walking by her door and heard enough to make me want to enter the room. Lydia told me later that she was glad I came in b/c her friend was trying to make her do something against the rules. Lydia is 4. She can't yet handle the complexities of a persistent child who wants her to misbehave. She did her best and she did GREAT. But, she needed me. What if I hadn't walked by?

I know some children who need their parents in their business more. If their parents would be outside when their children are playing perhaps they would realize what rude, disrespectful kids they have on their hands. Maybe they wouldn't care that their little punks are saying and doing hurtful things to my son who tries so hard to reach out to them. We seem to have a consistent theme of that going on this spring. Well, last summer too but we hoped it was a phase that would pass. Clearly not. So, we've listed our house and are moving if it sells. We have researched the neighborhoods that we like and both of them have good friends of ours in them. One has some very close long time friends who have 2 kids a boy and a girl close in age to our 2. That is the direction we are leaning. We have met others in the neighborhood and I have quizzed my friend incessantly about the families there. Can I be sure that we will not have a repeat of what we have now? No. But, I've tried. And, we've been wanting to move anyway. It may be a year or so sooner than we'd planned but that's okay. Jake has made such enormous strides and is so socially appropriate and has the ability to be such a good friend now that to have it shot down over and over again in our own front yard is just out of the question and we will try to do something about it. I think that the part that is hindering him is the history. His past. When he was very reactionary and had a hard time taking the perspective of others the other kids decided he was "weird" and he can't shake that label now. He's changed so much. When he struggled so much he didn't realize how he was perceived. Now he does and it hurts but he doesn't understand what he is doing now to deserve this and the answer is NOTHING. He is very give and take in relationships now....as give and take as any 8 year old. He is sweet. He cares about his friends. And, you can see the contrast because another boy moved in the culdesac last year and missed the bulk of the "weirdness" and now he and Jake are friends. But, the "old timers" can't get past it. We need a fresh start. I pray it goes well.

Lydia needs a different location too. She has no little girls nearby to play with. Not a one. The new neighborhood does. The lot we've chosen has several little girls in that culdesac. Plus my friend's daughter. Lydia feels so lonely here. Mommy is her best friend...which Mommy loves!! But, she needs some playmates.

We are heading out of town tomorrow to visit our friends in South Carolina. The kids are so excited (as are the grown-ups)! They can't wait to see their friends Kate and Meridith. And we can't wait to relax with Chris and Jennifer!!!!! Jen and I need to go do some damage at Gymboree, Stride Rite, LOFT, and Talbots!!! We are going to do an overnight in Charleston as well which should put the icing on the cake for our homeschooling both educationally and hour-wise. I need this. And I don't often think about what *I* need. But, I need to get away. I'm stressed wanting the house to sell ASAP. I'm stressed b/c my sister and I are in a big disagreement right now. And it has been a hard several months worrying about my nephew who has lymphoma....although he has done remarkably well. It will just be a good relaxing time....after a 3 hr flight to Atlanta and a 3 1/2 hr drive to Columbia! LOL!

My next post should be celebrating the completion of pre-K for Lydia and 1st grade for Jake. We will take it light over the summer just doing some school stuff here and there but keeping up on our reading with Jake. Then, we will start back full swing in late August with Lydia as a Kindergartner and Jake as a 2nd grader (homeschooling both). We ALL need a school break!!

Later!
Carla